Keeping Company with the Bishop by CJ Ruff

Author:CJ Ruff
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Alzheimer's Disease, Friendship, Catholic Faith, Religion, Elderly, Caregiving
ISBN: 9781785383601
Publisher: Andrews UK Limited 2015
Published: 2015-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Six

Loyalty, Friendship and Coping

“It’s just so difficult,” someone confided to me. “I mean, this is a man who used to speak so eloquently and intelligently. To see him so changed is very heartbreaking.”

It was difficult to respond to such remarks because the Bishop was still the kind, caring, and gentle man he had always been. Here was a man who had been a faithful servant to God and so many people for decades. Now was the opportunity for friends and family to step up and be there for him. Yet some never did. However, to be fair, it was true - many of his friends, brother priests, family and golfing partners had either passed away or were dealing with their own health concerns. Yet, there were many more who could have come around but did not. Perhaps people just wanted to remember him as he had been. Yet in so doing they missed the opportunity to serve him and enjoy his company one last time, and that was the greatest tragedy of all.

One group of faithful men who never gave up on the Bishop were his longtime priest friends and poker buddies. As the years slipped by, it was becoming obvious that Bob could no longer successfully play. However, one of the priest always came and picked up Bob for the monthly card game. He may not have been able to participate as in days past, but he was still an integral and important part of their original group, and they would never consider not having him there. The faithfulness and loyalty of these friendships always touched and inspired me.

Kindness, Memories, and Giving Back

The harsh winter of 2014 would come and go and spring would arrive. There would be more funerals for close friends and family members. The Bishop’s cousin Betty passed away in May. She had been as close to the Donnelly brothers as a sister. She had a sharp memory and could always tell great stories. Her death came at 88 after having lived a good, long and interesting life.

These types of losses and events such as religious holidays and feast days, now seemed surreal to the Bishop and did not seem to carry the same emotional weight they would have just a couple of years earlier. The emotions of joy and grief seemed to be in distant proximity to where the Bishop’s mind was. He would find himself somewhere between the two and unable to completely find his way to either one.

In March, I would take the Bishop for his last haircut, and when the barber asked him how he liked his cut, he stated, “I look like my father.”

We were downtown at Mano’s in early June. As we sat down, I recognized a man at another table; it was the Bishop’s youngest nephew David. He came to our table, introduced himself, and reminded the Bishop of his daughter’s baptism that weekend. Once again, this seemed like a surreal experience. Although the Bishop was smiling and glad to see David, the impact of the unexpected encounter seemed mild and somehow ineffectual.

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